I’m Alex. Mother of three small humans, N (November 2011), A (March 2013) and E (December 2016). Motherhood has continued to be my greatest challenge and my greatest reward, but not in any of the ways I was expecting.
My first baby was unable to latch on to the breast without nipple shields and had to be supplemented after every feed. She was diagnosed as ‘failing to thrive’ and I subsequently developed post-natal depression. I eventually ceased breastfeeding at 10 months, although she had been mostly formula fed since birth. For a very long time I felt like a failure and was filled with deep regret that I was unable to exclusively breastfeed my beautiful baby. However, she is now an intense, spirited, persistent and determined child who is thriving at school.
My second baby completely trashed my nipples within 48 hours, to the extent that they were black and blistered and nearly fell off. She also presented with extreme reflux symptoms from two weeks of age and didn’t sleep for more than 45 minutes without waking (day or night) until she was 2 years old. Through an exhaustive process we discovered her reflux and night waking were mostly caused by multiple food protein intolerances, a lip tie and posterior tongue tie and an immature oesophageal sphincter. These days she is a slightly wacky, high energy, extroverted wild child, also thriving at school.
My third baby trashed my nipples, vomited profusely, almost failed to thrive, presented with allergic proctocolitis (blood in his poo) and appeared to have the same issues as BOTH his sisters. Luckily I was armed with the experience and knowledge gleaned from my prior struggles with N and A, and within 3 months we had turned a huge corner. He is currently a delightful, sweet, happy baby who is very relaxed about meeting his gross motor milestones at the very last minute.
Motherhood has sent me on a journey of growth and change. This blog is part catharsis and part hope. I’d love to be a source of insights or information for other mamas obsessively Googling the same search terms in the middle of the night that I was. Motherhood has brought me post-natal depression, a massive blow to my confidence and a constant re-evaluation of my sense of self. At times I have felt like I was stuck in a fog; lost and directionless. At those times more than ever I have turned to the internet for answers.
The pointy end of parenting is hard, so if something in these pages resonates or strikes a chord please let me know in the comments.